There are some experiences in this world that only tops will understand. Things that bottoms, no matter how hard they try, will never truly know.
Here are 10 of the good, the bad, and the plain ridiculous things that only tops experience. (And if you wanna know the struggle bottoms go through, head over here.)
1. How condoms defy all odds
It should be 50/50, right? There’s a 50 percent chance that you put on the condom inside out, because there are only two ways you can put it on. Then how come it’s more like 99/1? It seems like you never put on the condom the right way the first time.
2. The ridiculous comments on your penis size
Comments run the gamut. I’ve been told mine is huge and thick, but then I’ve also been told mine was “unimpressive” (can you believe a guy said that to me??) and too small.
3. Those rare times when he’s a top too
You just assume everyone else is a bottom, because it really seems like everyone else is actually a bottom. You know that supply for tops is low and demand is very high, so it’s not something you really have to think about.
4. The femme top confusion
Just because you are effeminate, doesn’t mean that you’re a bottom. Similarly, just because you’re short, doesn’t mean you’re automatically a bottom. Gender expression and physical size are independent factors of sexual preferences.
5. The dilemma of where to ejaculate
So you ask him where he wants you to finish, and he says wherever you want. They’re just too many options, and blood isn’t flowing to your head (well, not that head). You can’t think straight, so you end up finishing on the sheets or some other anticlimactic place because you couldn’t get your act together.
6. The frustration that comes from not getting hard
Doesn’t matter what the root is. It could be you drank too much, or you’re simply just nervous. It could be something else entirely. No matter what the reason is, it just sucks and, at times, can really mess with your confidence.
7. The utter sadness from when he’s too tight
You’re all revved up and ready to go, but it’s not going to happen. No amount of poppers, foreplay, and lube can help. There’s an insecure and immature part of yourself that’s proud, because you’re like, “Wow… I was too big to fit.” Then you realize that’s completely dumb and you wish you were able to have anal sex.
8. Those intense and fleeting desires to bottom
Once in a blue moon, you get this foreign urge to bottom, and you can’t help but think to yourself, “Where the hell did that come from?”
9. To pop or not to pop (Viagra)
Let’s be real: A number of queer men use Viagra recreationally to combat nerves and whiskey dick. So there’s often the dilemma of, “Do I really want to take this?” and “Do I think I’ll need it?”
10. The toe cramps
The only time in your life you get toe cramps is right before you’re finishing. Needless to say, they are… intense.
